THINGS NO ONE TALKS ABOUT {Miscarriage}

This is a difficult and painful subject so it's no wonder that most people shy away from talking about it.

My heart aches for anyone who has experienced miscarriage on any level. It has to be one of the worst feelings in the world to be so excited for a little one to grow inside you and be welcomed into your family, only to have that dream interrupted by a nightmare.

My experience with miscarriage isn't the usual one. We had been married a little over a year. I wasn't on any sort of birth control, my cycles were unpredictable. It wasn't until I got an enormous stabbing pain that I was clued in to what was going on with my body. Because my cycles were so random, I didn't in fact know that I was (about) six weeks pregnant.

I am thankful everyday that I didn't see a positive pregnancy test weeks before. Had I known that I was pregnant this would have been 100 times more devastating than it already was. My body was a wreck. The pain radiated from my back to my stomach, from my ribs to my thighs. Relaxing was impossible. I have no other way to describe it without going into graphic detail.

Although we weren't planning on having a baby anytime soon, and to find out that I was pregnant would have been a giant (but exciting) surprise, knowing that the exact opposite was happening was beyond difficult. Sometimes you don't truly realize how much you want something until you're told you can't have it.

I received a blessing of physical and spiritual comfort. I cried off and on for about a week. I prayed a lot. I have known several people in my life who have experienced the loss and suffering of a miscarriage, some of them have had to experience it multiple times. I pray for them. I ache for them. I wish there was something I could to to ease their pain.

Sometimes I still get sad when I think about it. I had a few scares when I was first pregnant with Hiccup that made me panic. I am lucky and grateful that I went on to have a healthy pregnancy with him and that he is in my life today.

I don't think you can fully comprehend the empathy of a miscarriage unless you yourself have been there. Even my experience doesn't allow me to fully comprehend the immense sense of loss that comes along with it. I kept it close to me for a long time and still haven't told many friends or family about it. I've had to heal and deal with it in my own time and in my own way.

Pregnancy is a miracle. It is faith building and it is humbling. Miscarriage is devastating; but it is also faith building and humbling. In my life I have learned one thing: Everything happens for a reason. Things will work out.