a reflection on my writing

When I first started blogging, I was clearly (still am) a beginner but was super gung-ho about the experience. I planned on writing something several times a week and I wrote little notes and lists of topics that I should cover.

I am a lover (and stalker) of blogs. I'll admit it. I love to see what people are doing with their life and their talent. I am grateful that they are choosing to share their experiences for readers across the world. As much as a I love it, it is kind of a downer for me to see all of these gifted people doing something so amazing and wonderful.

I tend to get discouraged about my writing, although I love to write. I think it's therapeutic and indulging. I need to do it more frequently.You can't expect a talent to appear over night right? It has to be developed.

I write in our family journal once a week but I found myself only including the sugar-coated parts. When my kids and grand kids read our journal in years to come, they need to know that life was not always sunny with rainbows. They need to know that we struggled, that everyone struggles. They need to know our feelings during those struggles and they need to see us learn and rise above our trials. I need to be more honest in the words I am writing and leaving behind. I am a believer on not dwelling on the negative, (unless the negative keeps beating you over the head... then the negative will be my number one priority to remove!) but I need to be more mindful and acknowledge that the negative does in fact exist, and sometimes exists in a big way.

Life is hard sometimes. Sometimes it kicks you down and after pushes you even deeper in the mud to make sure you  stay there for awhile. There are always, even if it doesn't seem like it at the time, people waiting to help you up as well as lessons to learn while you're stuck in the muck.

So, I will document our struggles. No they are not war-time or pioneer-type big, physical struggles, but they make me sad and they keep me up at night, so they are struggles still the same. I need to share with my family the faith that I have in them and in my HF that there is a plan for us and that we will endure. Our life on this earth is so fleeting. Even as I acknowledge and accept my trials I still need to take time to express my gratitude for the many many blessings I have in my life.

Movie Monday

We had a movie-filled weekend. Casey and I were (finally) able to get a volunteer to watch the babe so we took advantage and went out for a movie. We went to the Cinemark in Farmington. We learned they have an app on our phone and if you put the app in movie mode during the movie then you get coupons for free stuff at the end of the movie. Coolie! So now we each have a free soda or Icee the next time we go there. I really like that theater. It's in a nice area (not the greatest parking situation tho) and the theater has a good setup and layout. They have reserved seating (hooray!) and nice cushy chairs. It's not the closest theater to us but it's close to Aunt Heather who took care of Hiccup.

We saw Admission with Tina Fey and Paul Rudd. It wasn't anything special but we enjoyed it. It was a quirky, real life movie which I like a lot. I like watching movies that could actually happen. It had some funny and some sentimental moments. I like both of the actors in it. I'd recommend it for a no-worries show.



Over the weekend we got Argo from Netflix. We'd heard a lot of mixed reviews about this movie. It won the Oscar for best picture, but that doesn't necessarily mean anything to me. I'm pretty split down the middle when it comes to liking Oscar winners.



It took us two days to finish the movie since we started it pretty late one night. I liked it a lot. I thought Ben Affleck did a fabulous job. The language clearly is what gave the movie its R rating but if the Fword doesn't bother you I'd tell you to go watch this movie now. It was suspenseful, it was real life, it was heart felt. Good job Oscar guys. You picked one right.

Catching Up

Wow, what a week it has been. I feel like it has flown by. I can't believe that tomorrow is already Friday.

Hiccup has been a little teething monster. He's getting his four, top front teeth. Three are poking out pretty good now and are visible when he smiles. He's still missing one of the front ones so he looks kinda like a hillbilly. Good thing he's cute. He has been super clingy to me. He does fine with other people, he's not having any stranger danger yet, but if I'm around and he sees me, I'm the person he wants. I try to enjoy it because I know it won't be long before I'm not on his radar at all.

I went to the dr this morning. I hate waiting rooms. Scratch that, I hate waiting. Five minutes or so I understand, but I waited 45 minutes today before I even went back to the exam room. Good grief. I'm thankful for my iphone (and my cute husband) to keep my mind occupied.After our long wait, it only took one look in my mouth and I heard the news that I had been dreading... I needed to have my tonsils out. I am beyond nervous. I'm pretty wimpy as it is and even more so when it comes to having a sore throat. I have heard horror stories about adults having their tonsils out and that just adds to my apprehension. Ugh.

My surgery is three weeks away and I think I will have this sick feeling in my stomach until the week (maybe longer) after it's over. Is their any natural way to shrink giant holes in tonsils? I think I'll adjust well to taking it easy and watching tv and reading all day, but not eating whatever I want, and not being able to be with my baby like normal...that is gonna be tough! I'll say it again Ugh!

Food for the Baby

In high school I took a few child development classes. One of the lessons we had was about baby food. We taste tested home made vs store bought foods and then talked about the pros and cons of each. It was from that moment that I decided I wanted to make my own baby food.

Now it seems like the trendy thing to do, but for whatever reason you do it, even if you decide not to...you are doing what you feel is best for your babe. I've learned not to judge (or to speak before I experience) when it comes to babies and being a mama. I've already eaten my words on numerous occasions.

I am not a food blogger so I did not photograph this process. At first you'll be kind of bummed, but I promise, you should really be grateful. I am not good at that type of thing!

I took a pretty basic approach when it came to making Hiccup's food. I didn't use anything big or expensive, I did my research to make it financially efficient for our family. I used this hand mixer that we got for our wedding (first time I ever used it) to puree the food.

I first started making baby food on Thanksgiving day because I wanted Hiccup to have something yummy to eat like the rest of us. I have been doing it ever since. I usually pick one or two days a week to make a few different things.

So far I have done several different foods but used basically the same technique for each of them. I have incorporated a few spices here and there; mostly those I ate frequently so I figured he was used to with breast milk and while I was pregnant. Babies have taste buds just like we do and I'm sure get bored of foods just like we do. Some foods taste just fine on their own and some need a little help. :0)

Frozen:
Peas (I added pear juice and pepper) They were such a pretty green color!
Carrots (I added apple juice and garlic) They took a lot of extra pureeing, they weren't Hiccup's favorite
Green Beans (I added apple juice and salt and pepper) Not as pretty as the peas but still nice
Lima Beans (with pear juice) These smelled terrible! Hiccup spit them out and I wasn't pushing for him to have any more. Yuck!
Butternut Squash (with apple juice) I also added some marinara sauce to a batch and Hiccup loved it!
*Strawberries (no liquid needed) I added rice cereal to one batch to thicken it up
*Blueberries (no liquid needed) I added barley cereal to one batch to thicken it
*Mango (no liquid needed)

For the frozen produce I thawed them per the instructions on the bag and added a little apple juice or pear juice. I heard that the juice would help take the bitterness out of some of the veggies. Hiccup has a hard time digesting foods so the juice also helps to not back him up. If your babe is pretty regular then I would recommend using water. I pureed them in a dish and then used a small cookie scoop to transfer the food to these freezer trays. Each compartment in the tray was one ounce so it made it easy to know how much food Hiccup was eating.
*For one batch I added these fruits to some plain non-fat yogurt to make little frozen yogurt cubes. It thaws a little runny but is still yummy. They turned out so pretty, and if your little one doesn't like it they are perfect for smoothie making.

Canned:
Peaches
Pears

I bought no-sugar-added canned fruit. I drained part of the liquid and then poured the rest of the contents into a mixing bowl. I used the mixer to puree the fruits and then transferred them to the trays. I also just bought plain no-sugar-added apple sauce. The only ingredient was apples so I figured I'd take advantage of someone doing the work for me :0)

Fresh:
Sweet Potatoes (added apple juice and pepper) These were so yummy we steal bites while we feed Hiccup!
Avocado (added lime juice and garlic powder) These were not a hit. He actually gagged several times while eating them. I thought I could use the rest for guacamole but avocados do not freeze well. They looked like drops of muddy fertilizer. Totally gross.
Bananas (added apple juice) These brown a bit after they are frozen and thaw but they are still yummy.

I bought the sweet potatoes in the ready-to-cook wrappers and popped them in the microwave. I cooked them a minute or two longer than recommended so they mashed easier. Then, same steps as before: puree, add liquid to thin if need, transfer to trays. With the avocados and bananas I bought overripe fruits and mashed them up with a fork.

Protein:
Chicken (added pepper and a bouillon cube with a little water)

I bought ground chicken and cooked the entire package. Once it was cooked I drained most of the liquid and pureed like normal. It looks kind of like cat food but it tastes so good.

I usually freeze things over night or during most of the day to make sure they won't lose their shape. I label freezer bags with the contents and date and transfer the little food cubes to the bags and stick them in the freezer. I get the cubes out the night before I plan on using them and let them thaw in the fridge over night.

I give them to Hiccup one food at a time, for a few days in a row to see how he reacts. Once he has tried a few of the foods on their own I mix two (or more) different cubes together. Some of his favorite combos are
sweet potatoes & chicken, peas & carrots, fruit smoothie combos with any of the fruits/frozen yogurts.

I let Hiccup try anything I am eating (within reason). If he seems to like it I find a way to make it baby appropriate for him. He has a healthier diet than anyone in our house.. maybe I should take a cue from what I'm feeding my baby and incorporate it into our household menu.

This has been a blessing financially for our family. What packaged baby food we do feed Hiccup, we have been gifted. I am in no way against feeding him store bought food, I just can't afford it. We've each got to do what works for our budget, babies, and sanity. This is what works for us.

MOVIE MONDAY

I've always been a huge fan of movies. I think I was raised that way. I was lucky enough to marry a boy who loved movies just as much as I do. At our house we spend endless hours on the couch, wrapped in a blanket, treats in front of us, watching movies. Movies are a great way to escape, to live for a little while in someone else's world. To me, the measure of a good movie is if its emotion comes out through the viewer. Did it make you laugh? Cry? Think? A great movie is one you are still thinking about the next day.

One of my favorite places to be is a movie theater. Some are nicer than others, some have better food than others. It doesn't matter. Once I'm in my seat and the lights start to dim, I'm in one of the best places I could be. I laugh at myself because watching the previews is one of my favorite parts about going to the movies; a lot of times I get so wrapped up in getting excited about movies that are months away that I forget what I'm actually there to see.

Quick way to my heart? Take me to the movies and I'm a happy girl.

Funny Friday

Happy Friday everyone!

Once again, Casey and I had tentative plans to go somewhere tomorrow but it looks as if it won't happen. Why is it so stinking difficult to find a babysitter? Our child is adorable.. and he's pretty easy to tend. He is a busy little thing so that can be kind of overwhelming but still.

It's probably for the best since Hiccup is still a teething, whiny monster who thinks I'm the only one who can make him feel better. Don't get me wrong, I absolutely love that he practically leaps out of other people's arms when I walk by to let me hold him. I love all his snuggles and kisses and pats on the back.

As much as I hate to admit it, I have no magical powers when it comes to my little boy. I'm sure anyone else could soothe him and love on him as well as I do. There is something about wanting your mama when you don't feel good; I still have to call my mom and tell her that I'm sick. She probably gets tired of it and thinks I'm a pansy, but hopefully she knows that I call her cuz I know she'll end up making me feel better :0)

Anyhoo.. some cheer for your Friday. I hope your weekend is splendid and full of all the fun things you want to do.

I never quite understood the logic of the rules of this game.. but now it makes sense :0)

THINGS NO ONE TALKS ABOUT {TTC}

That's 'trying to conceive' for those who haven't ever had to know or stress about that term.

I wish that getting pregnant was something I was talented at. So far, it hasn't been in the cards for me. I was off bc for almost two years before I got pregnant with Hiccup.

I am among several women I know that struggled to get pregnant. Even knowing that so many others were in my same situation, it still felt as if the whole world was getting pregnant before me.

I started a journal in the summer of 2011. The first page reads "This is a story about our family: deciding to expand and how it continues to grow". I wrote down my thoughts of first deciding to have a baby, trying so hard to get there, and how Hiccup has grown and changed our lives since his arrival. I still write in this journal once a week. It has turned into a family journal of sorts and I hope to write in many more and leave them for my posterity once I am gone.

I often go back and read what I wrote over a year ago to see how my life has changed. I wrote this in late September 2011. "I lost it a few times, cried so hard I almost threw up. I called into work sick, didn't get out of bed all day. I was so depressed that things weren't going according to how I planned and wanted. It was so hard to see so many other women around me that were pregnant. It seemed like everyday I heard of someone else who was expecting. I took this very personally that I was struggling with something I wanted so badly and for such a long time. Why were they more fit to be a mom than I was? What were they doing right that I wasn't? How could teenage girls and other women who didn't want/were preventing having kids be getting pregnant and not me?

"I cried a lot. I felt like I had no one to talk to. I didn't want my family to know we were struggling and I didn't want advice on 'what we really should be doing' or 'what we were doing wrong'. I tried to talk to Casey about it but he didn't quite get why I was so upset. I did endless research on the internet about what might help our situation. In the end all it did was drive me more crazy and made me more upset and depressed."

I read that and feel sad. I wish I would have had some sort of outlet, someone to talk to in depth who knew exactly what I was going through. Someone that didn't necessarily have to solve my problems, but just listen to them, care about them. I did discover a few friends who had documented their journeys on their blogs and reading their words made me feel more normal, some days even comfortable, knowing that I wasn't alone. I am grateful for them and their choice to share their struggles.

Trying and struggling to conceive isn't something that is generally discussed in open company, sometimes even in close or private company. Women who are struggling with this need a listening ear, a shoulder to cry on. Of course they want their struggle fixed, but they don't want useless advice on how to do it. Unless you are a doctor, don't tell them what they should or should not be doing. What worked for you, someone else has tried dozens of times with no result.

Everyone is different. Every child is meant to join a family at a specific time. It is hard to realize that. It is hard to remain faithful and to know that everything happens for a reason.

I am very grateful to have carried Hiccup in my belly and that he is here and happy and healthy. I realized a dream I feared would never come true. He might be the only baby I get to experience this with. I may have a struggle with getting each of my kids here. I don't know what my future holds.

I do know that every baby is a blessing and a miracle.  Some miracles just take a little more patience than others.

Being a Mommy

Yesterday I stayed home with Hiccup. Sunday he was so whiny and miserable and had a whole list of symptoms that made me panic and go into "germ destroyer mode". I figured out later in the day that he was cutting three of his top teeth. No wonder he was miserable. It's weird what your body does when it feels yucky. He was getting  teeth but his nose and stomach were giving him grief as well. Poor little boy.

I took a sick day and stayed home with my wimpy boy. We stayed in comfy clothes all day and watched shows and played with blocks. Many times throughout the day he climbed into my lap and laid his head on me and gave me a love pat. I got lots of slobbery kisses throughout the day and we had lots of snacks. Hiccup showed off by standing by himself for a few seconds at a time. We snuggled with Lionel (his stuffed lion) and took naps on the couch. A sick baby is never fun, but staying home with a sick baby was a blessing for me. I loved spending the day with my boy yesterday doing nothing but loving on him. I don't ever want him to be sick or feel crummy, but when he does I'm glad that I can take care of him and I'm glad that he loves me enough to let me.